Are you planning to travel through one of Britain’s airports tomorrow? It looks as though it may not be the fun-filled experience that you’ve come to love as it’s expected that 70% of the UK’s Border Agency (UKBA) staff will be on strike.
Delays will be inevitable (no change there then) and UKBA would be extremely grateful if you could postpone your travel plans until they can provide you with their usual, all-inclusive service, comprising virtual-strip x-ray and cavity search while relieving you of your nail file – at a time when they are in a position to provide that service in front of a full, sniggering complement of staff to properly witness your embarrassment..
The UK Border Agency (UKBA) wrote to all airlines operating flights from the UK to warn that “some passengers may experience delays at the border”.
“Those passengers who can travel on an alternative day may therefore wish to do so,” the letter continued.
Of course, there’s no possibility of them waiving their responsibility to perform their full panoply of essential checks to ensure that your disabled grandad is not harbouring a desire to score 72 virgins (and you just know that it’s only a matter of time before they demand that your granny removes her incontinence pad prior to the rubber glove treatment).
Accordingly, before you leave, my advice would be to convert to Islam and persuade Theresa May to ban you from entering the country.
It renders you invisible to UKBA, apparently.
* After the London bombings on 7 July 2005, the G8 said,
“We will not allow violence to change our society and values..”
Ken Livingstone said,
“..the attacks were a cowardly and indiscriminate attempt at mass murder which would fail in its bid to destroy free society.”
Tony Blair said,
“They are trying to use the slaughter of innocent people to cow us, to frighten us out of doing the things that we want to do, of trying to stop us going about our business as normal as we are entitled to do.
“They should not and they must not succeed.”
Something to do with fine words and parsnips methinks…