Strawberry Fields Forever

Lovely Louise Gray is back in the Telegraph to tell us about Climate change resistant strawberries (the oceans are dying, the Maldives will disappear, all wildlife will become extinct, the seas will rise up to quench the burning landscape but we’ll still be able to enjoy a strawberry – without the cream of course because we have to slaughter all the farty cows) . Thanks to “man-made climate change” (stop giggling at the back), she tells us;

Areas like Kent, which have traditionally grown the most fruit, could see Mediterranean temperatures and regular droughts.

The weather could will [sic] not only make tennis players sweat but could destroy strawberry crops putting the traditional mid-match snack or even the dressing of the Pimm’s at risk.

To counter any risk, Caroline Spelman, the Environment Secretary, yesterday launched a programme to develop varieties able to survive on less water and last in the heat.

More than £670,000 has been given to a five-year research project being carried out by scientists at East Malling Research (EMR).

Dr David Simpson from EMR is trying to develop new breeds that will enable British growers to keep on producing strawberries in high temperatures.

Isn’t it nice to see Caroline Spelman addressing the big issues? You or I would just take the silly, pragmatic approach and plant strawberries close to those huge fans they’re plonking all over the countryside but no – why do the obvious thing when we can waste utilise taxpayers’ money on vital research?

Mind you, that £670,000 would seem to be a waste of money. Spain – which last time I visited was about as Mediterranean as you can get – grows vast numbers of strawberries….

…much to the displeasure of the godawful, anti-human NGO, the World Wildlife Fund who, as always, have long been inventing predicting environmental catastrophe.

Good.

Unbelievably, wee Louise includes the information that “Most of the fruit in this country is already grown in poly tunnels…” oblivious to the irony that the purpose of the polytunnel is to provide the strawberries with a warmer growing environment.

If I were Littlejohn I’d say that you couldn’t make it up.

But they do.

 
 

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7 Responses to Strawberry Fields Forever

  1. A K Haart says:

    “More than £670,000 has been given to a five-year research project being carried out by scientists at East Malling Research (EMR).”

    Thirty pieces of silver to betray our scientific heritage.

  2. Aurelian says:

    “To counter any risk, Caroline Spelman, the Environment Secretary, yesterday launched a programme to develop varieties able to survive on less water and last in the heat.”

    Heavens to Murgatroyd: they are breeding tennis players now. If perspiration is a problem, wouldn’t it be cheaper just to buy a few extra towels?

    • But it will all be worth it if they can genetically engineer the grunt out of the female players..

      “Heavens to Murgatroyd”: that took me back – though I can’t remember to where.

      Regards
      TT

      • Aurelian says:

        I can’t remember where I picked up the Murgatroyd thing either.
        It’s just a phrase I’m going through.

  3. malagaview says:

    Mind you, that £670,000 would seem to be a waste of money. Spain – which last time I visited was about as Mediterranean as you can get – grows vast numbers of strawberries….

    Too bloody right….

    If I were Littlejohn I’d say that you couldn’t make it up. But they do

    Too bloody right….

    Spain Leads World Strawberry Market
    There are more than a thousand varieties of strawberries in the world, however those produced in Spain top exports worldwide, and are considered first class in five continents. Spain has been the leading exporter of strawberries since 2007, and is the second largest producer after the United States.
    To cover worldwide demand, Spain harvests strawberries several times a year. More than 50,000 people work in the strawberry industry, which sales have placed Spain in a leadership position ahead of the United States, France and Germany.
    Every nine out of ten strawberries harvested are sold in E.U. supermarkets. Since 2007, Germany has acquired more than a third of the strawberries produced in Spain, with France close behind.
    Strawberries are cultivated in the south of Spain, mainly in Huelva, which exports around 85% of its production.
    Spanish strawberry companies are opening more and more foreign markets, mainly in Central Europe. Producers are also discovering opportunities in Asia.
    http://www.us.spainbusiness.com/icex/cda/controller/pageInv/0,2958,35868_594951_1026487_4493774,00.html

    If they had done any greenie homework they would have discovered:

    Strawberry surprise
    The domestic “Ava” offering, grown at Blairgowrie farm in Scotland, contains 850g of carbon. The alternative “Sabrosa” strawberries, from Spain, contain only 600g of carbon. If you’re basing your purchase decision solely on global warming impact you should buy the Spanish version.
    http://wtcarbon.wordpress.com/2009/02/11/strawberry-surprise/

    Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
    It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out.
    It doesn’t matter much to me.

    Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
    Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
    Strawberry Fields forever.

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