Notes from the Asylum

Just when you thought that a royal wedding was excitement enough, along comes the announcement that we’re all going to be given new, improved gas and electricity meters! Hoorah for our wonderful, bountiful politicians: they know how to please an electorate! They know where our priorities really lie…

And they’re not just any old meters, either: these are smart meters! Oh, be still, my beating heart… Apparently, they are “designed to end unreliable estimated gas and electricity bills and stop the need for companies to send out meter inspectors“. Hooray again!..

.. Erm…

Two things: firstly, is the upheaval and expense of fitting new meters a proportionate response to ‘unreliable estimated gas and electricity bills’? If we consider our bills to be wildly unrepresentative, we can just phone up and provide a reading can’t we? After all, in the age of green, should we really be consigning millions of meters to the scrap heap? Secondly, wasn’t the age of green meant to be about lots of new jobs? But here we are putting meter readers out of work. Green policies and promises – like their theories – seem to be infinitely adjustable don’t they?

… And wait, there’s another little problem. We’re going to have to pay for the meters that we didn’t ask for and don’t really need. Can that be right? Let’s check the story again..

Yup! We’re going to have to pay for them – a total of £11.3 billion. But it’s not all bad news – they’re going to save every household £23 per year in 2020 – phew! And the largesse doesn’t end there – by 2030, we’ll be saving £42 per year (that’s one and threepence in today’s money). I need a defibrilator!


They’re going to save us money because we’ll switch things off. The meter itself won’t produce any savings. Unfortunately, if you’ve taken all the hectoring advice we’ve been bombarded with over the last few years, you will already be switching things off.. so you’ll get no savings – unless you start switching things off when you really need them.. but that would be stupid, silly.

So, calling it a smart meter would seem to be a trades description offence..And making us pay for something that provides no benefit is fraud isn’t it?

No, no..  it’s OK – they’re smart because they are in direct contact with our energy supplier and, like I said, they’ll be able to read your meter from the comfort of their own office…


Have I got this straight? We’ve got to pay to have a meter installed that we didn’t ask for and don’t need and which provides no benefit to us beyond what most of us are already doing for ourselves. The only beneficiary would seem to be the energy suppliers who get rid of all their meter readers whom we are paying for.

Isn’t that like asking me to come and paint your house (you really wouldn’t want that – I’m a bit wobbly at heights), paying me in advance and then I send somebody else along who you have to pay to actually do the job? You’d feel cheated wouldn’t you? (Maybe not, thanks to my boyish charm).

Perhaps I’ve misread the article..?


Here’s the adulterous lesbian seducer politician in charge, “Chris Huhne, the Climate Change and Energy Secretary said: Smart meters are a key part of giving us more control over how we use energy at home and at work, helping us to cut out waste and save money. In combination with our plans to reform the electricity market and introduce the green deal for homes and businesses, the roll-out of smart meters will help us keep the lights on while reducing emissions and getting the best possible deal for the consumer.”

You’re already paying vast, hidden sums in taxes and charges to enable these crooks to line the pockets of the rich as they despoil the countryside with useless turbines and solar farms. Now they want you to pay even more for a distribution system that will ration your useage and even cut your supply because they have adopted an energy policy that does not have a hope in hell of providing our energy needs.

For the cost of changing our meters, we could be building two or three nuclear power stations to provide a cheap source of reliable, abundant energy. Some sort of collective madness has befallen this country.

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One Response to Notes from the Asylum

  1. Billy Liar says:

    Well said!

    You didn’t mention the confusion marketing that will follow their introduction. Electricity will be priced by time of usage and unwise use during peak hours will be very costly. There will also be ‘packages’ where you buy some time at a cheap rate and the rest is astronomically priced. Think mobile phone data pricing.

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